I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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