So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
The beer is more important than you right now.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
