dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
