Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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