My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
