Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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