When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
