Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
