Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
