Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
