Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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