My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
