If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
