She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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