i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
