Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
