she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
