Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
