Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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