So drunk its hurt
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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