My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
