i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Randomize
