i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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