We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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