Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
