I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
