Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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