Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
