tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
