dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
