I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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