porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Randomize
