I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
