People with herpes should wear stickers.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
