I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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