Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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