Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Randomize
