a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
