Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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