We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
