how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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