took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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