I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Randomize
