im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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