Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
