Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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