That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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