My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Randomize
