it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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