I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
